A Cat's Eye Looking Glass
by EmPoweredBeing
Summary: Minerva McGonagall reflects back on her relationship with Remus Lupin during the final battle.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello noble readers. Here's another little thing that I wrote! I know the fandom seems to have slowed down a bit and that's okay. I don't write for reviews but I think a lot of us have grown up and now lead busy lives! I know I do. Please know I plan to continue and finish all of what I have unfinished, but I have to find the time!**  
 **I love you all dearly and can't wait to see what you think.**  
 **I think it's the best thing I've ever written.**  
 **Also. Keep an eye out, cos I'm beginning to build up a mailing list for my nearly not quite ready novels that I plan on publishing. It should be as easy as clicking the link and clicking subscribe.**

 **As always my dears, it is Spin that makes it really sparkle (though not in a Twilight way - who does that) but in a "this is totally wicked" kind of way.**

-0-

The weariness seemed to collect in her bones. Her arms were sore, her legs were sore, even her hair follicles were sore. Every part of Minerva McGonagall ached, but it was nothing compared to how much her heart hurt.

The fighting had been fierce, and seemingly without end. There was nothing she could do that was enough. Nothing she hadn't tried, that had failed. People, friends, children were dead.

Someone had conjured a warming fire in the great hall, the floors be damned; many parts of the castle were damaged beyond repair anyway. Minerva sat silently, leaning against Pomona Sprout, just as she was leaning on Minerva. Minerva didn't have to see Pomona's face to know it looked like her own. Dust and grime covered them both; the rubble and the mortar from the castle exploding around them. Minerva had seen many with tear tracks running down to their chins. She understood, yet she did not weep. The expectation that she would lead them had been thrust upon her, after Severus had taken his dive out of the window. She hadn't had time to prepare, she hadn't had time to even consider her actions just before that moment. So, she'd simply done her duty. She rallied the students that stayed, protected those that did not. Now that they had a brief respite, she had shored up as many defenses as she could think of while they had the hour they did. The enemy would attack again, after whatever had happened to cause Voldemort to call for a momentary ceasefire. They would be as ready as they could be, people were repairing defensive blocks and charms as she sat here recovering, but there was nothing more she could do at that moment. She was spent.

"Oh no," she heard Pomona whisper.

The dead and injured were being collected from around the castle and being brought back to the Great Hall. Having done what she could, those with fresher bodies would continue. So many of her students, bright and charming with incredible futures ahead of them had been snuffed out by students she had once thought equally as bright and meant for greatness. So many of those she, herself, had killed had once been under her tutelage. She was not sure how she would cope with that.

"Hold still," Poppy Pomfrey grumbled as she tried to stem the bleeding on a particularly bad cut above her eye. Minerva couldn't even feel it, but Poppy had always been attentive whenever Minerva had been ill, much to her chagrin. "Minerva, you mustn't move!" she said again, as Minerva tried to look around her healing hands.

But Pomona's desperate whisper had grabbed her attention. She looked up and all her world crumbled before her.

Kingsley had stumbled into the hall, a look of utter despair on his face as he relinquished the body he carried to the floor in front of her. Minerva could do nothing but stare as a second body was placed beside him. Her world stood still. It was as if everyone in the room had suddenly stopped what they were doing and stared.

"No," she muttered, looking at the body on the floor. "No, that's -"

She hadn't realised she'd stood up, but it was Pomona's hand on her arm that brought her back to the present. The bodies were placed lovingly together and she simply stared, unable to comprehend what she was seeing.

"No!" she said shaking her head. "No! He," she looked at Pomona. "She wasn't supposed to be here! Why? Who -"

Her voice cracked and she stopped mid-sentence. Before her were Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks - now Lupin of course. The feeling of emptiness increased tenfold, the gaping void where her insides used to be. They were dead.

"We found them near the south wall. They," Kingsley cleared his throat, having known them as well as she had. "They died together. Took a lot with them."

"This should not have happened," Minerva whispered. "I should have made him stay."


	2. Chapter 2

Minerva had not always understood Remus Lupin. He had been far too bright to be socialising with the likes of Potter and Black, and that odd little Pettigrew boy. He was determined, however, and it wasn't until Harry Potter's third year at Hogwarts that she finally understood.

"They were animagi, all that time?" she asked once more, as if unable to comprehend the truth of it.

Remus laughed as he sipped a nip of Ogden's Old.

"They were," he smiled. "They were a lot brighter than they made out they were. Peter," he frowned here and Minerva understood why. "Peter took a lot longer to master it, but they were my friends, and they stuck with me, even after they found out."

"I had no idea. I always thought it was odd that you chose to associate yourself with the troublemakers."

"They were the most loyal people I had ever met. They weren't afraid of me."

"We took great pains to make sure that Hogwarts welcomed you." She tried to hide the hurt in her voice, but by the look on his face, knew she had failed.

"Oh, Hogwarts always welcomes you," he smiled. "But children are mean and fickle and some are downright evil," he laughed. "There was nothing you could do about that."

"Well, I am glad I got to know you better over this past year, Remus Lupin," she said, standing and stretching out her arm. "I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I am only sorry that it ended so abysmally for you."

"Oh, it happens," he shrugged, though she knew it hurt him to say. "Severus will at least be happy he doesn't have to pander to my whims anymore."

"Severus may never be happy," she muttered and he nodded.

"He's a good man, somewhere deep down under that exterior of his. He loved Lily so much, but he could never forgive James for all that he did. And James was wrong to do what he did, no matter how much I loved him as a brother."

"Bygones," Minerva muttered. "The past is better left past."

"Yes," Remus said, squeezing her hand gently. "Thank you, Minerva, for welcoming me back and treating me as you did."

"I was honoured to teach with you Remus," she smiled. "Take care."

"Of course," he said, bowing a little and leaving her office for the last time.


	3. Chapter 3

Poppy had finally cleaned up Minerva's cut as she stood looking down at Remus' body. Not many people knew about Remus and Nymphadora, but most knew of him, and respected him as he deserved. Nobody was as distraught as Minerva though, for not many knew of what had recently occurred.

"Another brilliant student cut down in the slew," Pomona sighed wistfully.

"They," Minerva swallowed. "They had just had a child," she whispered.

"What?" Pomona said, looking up from where she was kneeling beside Tonks, her former pupil and Hufflepuff. "They what?"

"He was born last week. Theodore," she smiled, despite the tears she could feel running unchecked down her face. "Teddy."

"Merlin," Pomona said. "What were they doing here?"

"He," Minerva sighed, finally allowing her eyes to leave Remus' serene face and survey the hall. "He wanted freedom for his child that so few have had since before he was born. He wanted that with all his heart," she looked down again. "Though, I do not know what possessed them both to fight."


	4. Chapter 4

"Minerva!"

"Remus, how are you?" Minerva allowed him to kiss her cheek as they met in the back of a dingy pub.

"I'm okay," he shrugged. "How are you?"

"I am not okay," she said honestly. "I miss him in every moment and detest what I must do."

"He would not have asked you if he did not think you strong enough," Remus said quietly.

Their relationship had changed somewhat over the course of the last year. While Albus had been off doing whatever it was that he had been doing, sometimes with Harry in tow, Remus and Minerva had taken to meeting every now and then and conferring with each other about Order business. Albus had pulled away as leader since his battle with Voldemort at the Ministry. He had told Minerva there was something he needed to do beyond what anyone else in the Order could, that must be done. She had simply rolled her eyes and continued to do as she was told.

"I am not sure I can ever forgive him for dying," she murmured. "I had expected him to live forever."

"Death is just the next great adventure," Remus said poignantly. Minerva looked at him sideways and he smiled. "It's something Harry told me Albus said to him. I'm sure he's off doing whatever it was that he did when he wasn't saving the world."

"Buying socks," Minerva chuckled.

"He was a strange man," Remus sighed wistfully. "I could never work out what he was thinking."

"He thought too much."

Remus hummed and offered his glass in toast.

"I hear you have put away your sensible nature and are now running around willy nilly trying to take down the Death Eaters en masse." She said it offhand, but he paused mid sip and looked at her. He growled.

"You've been talking to Dora."

"I have," Minerva smiled. "And I would like to say two things, if I may. One is something I shall repeat from the night of Albus' death: Albus would have been happy to know there was a little more love in the world, even in such dark times. And two, you are no good to anyone dead, Remus. That girl loves you and if I am not mistaken I think you might love her too."

"I do love her," he said angrily. He got up and paced back and forth in front of her. Had she not known him as well, she would have been startled by his actions. "But she is stupid to love me."

"Why?"

"Why?" he yelled, remembering afterwards where they were and he dropped his voice. "You know why, Minerva."

"I know that you are an incredibly intelligent man with a heart of gold."

"I turn into a fucking monster."

"And you manage it in the best way you can. Nymphadora knows all this and loves you anyway."

The wind seemed to go from his sails and he sank back into his seat.

"If you love her, why wouldn't you do what you both want?"

"Because I am terrified."

She had finally got to the heart of the matter, and she couldn't blame him.

"Remus. You have never been defined by that. You have never let it control your life. You have always made a point of that, in fact. Do not start now, when you have a chance at the happiness people only ever dream of! I, for one, know how short-lived that can be."

"You're right, of course," he scoffed, looking at his clenched hands. "They would be so disappointed in me."

"No," Minerva said quietly, knowing of whom he was referring to and placing her hand on his shoulder. "James and Sirius would understand, and stand by you. And then would tell you the truth, as I have tried to do."

"Thank you," he managed to choke out. "Thank you, Minerva."

"You are most welcome," she smiled, getting up now that she had finished her drink. "I must return to the castle. Be safe, dear boy."

He laughed but accepted the small kiss she placed on his forehead.

"You too," he said grimly as she walked away.


	5. Chapter 5

"No," Minerva choked, looking up in time to see George Weasley, carrying his twin Fred in his arms. George dropped to his knees before his family, the entire Weasley clan suddenly at his side. Minerva simply didn't know what to do. She wanted to scream, to wail, but she sucked in a deep breath and turned away. She didn't want to intrude on their grief. Instead, she saw as Oliver Wood appeared at the door, his face covered in an ugly bruise and blood over his shirt. In his arms was a body too small to be anyone other than Colin Creevey. The tears started and Minerva found she could not catch her breath as she watched the young boy's body placed gently beside someone so disfigured she couldn't immediately identify them. In shock, she knelt beside Remus allowing her messy hair to fall over her face and hide her tears. None of this should have happened. Remus should not have been at Hogwarts; Colin should not have been at Hogwarts. Minerva craved Albus' steady faith in Good in the face of such horror that she was struggling to comprehend. He would know what to say to someone who had just lost their little boy, he would know what to say to a twin that had lost his soul mate.

She did not.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze as a voice whispered in her ear.

"Enough."

She didn't look up. She knew whose voice it was, but she could not comprehend his meaning. Harry Potter could unite them, after all, he already had. All his life he had united people, unlikely people. Even Severus and Remus. A sob escaped her mouth and she clamped it shut to stop it happening again.

She opened her eyes after a time and looked at Remus' serene face. Kingsley had said he and Nymphadora died together and for that she would be forever grateful, but it was too much to comprehend the tiny baby at home, who would grow up without knowing his Mum and Dad. Who would grow up as Harry had done.

No.

Not as Harry had done. Better. Safer. Easier.

"Severus is dead," Harry said, startling her. She had assumed he had left. "It's enough."

Another great, but troubled wizard was dead with no chance at redemption. She had been so very angry when she finally had the opportunity to repay Severus for all the pain that she had suffered during his time as Headmaster. There was not much room in that corridor, but she had used all that she could to her advantage, while still protecting Potter and Miss Lovegood. She fought without mercy against that young man who had been so fragile and so damaged when he had first arrived at Hogwarts. She had not given him the time of day this past year, she had not cared to, and that would haunt her forever.


	6. Chapter 6

She laughed through her tears at the memory. How convoluted and stupid all this had been. Such a revelation had been followed by an hour of pure love and joy with Teddy in her arms. Remus had talked her ear off about how he was going to be a Quidditch champion.

"I've asked Harry to be Godfather," he had smiled. "I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather."

"A grand choice," she had cooed to the little one, who was sleeping. The one moment he had opened his eyes, they had changed from blue to pink and then to a perfect match of her own.

"He's inherited the best parts of us," Remus laughed. "Thank you for coming."

Her eyes closed against their final parting. The last time she had held him in her arms and kissed his forehead. Remus. The kindest and gentlest man she had ever met. Who had so much to give to the world, and who hid it to hide his condition in the face of such terrible bigotry.

"Minerva. The hour is up."

She looked up at Kingsley and looked around the hall. So many families now missing pieces. So many injured still being moved from the safety of the hall to the healing wards of St Mungo's.

"I'm sorry, Kingsley," Minerva said, looking back down at Remus. She would avenge his death. And that of Fred, and George's heart at that. And little Colin, who should not have been within a hundred miles of here. She took a deep breath and waved her hand, fixing her hair and dusting off her robes.

"Please tell me again," she said, looking up at the big man, whom she was sure hadn't moved from her side the whole time she was with Remus.

"The hour is up," he paused, looking worried.

"What?"

"We cannot find Potter."

"You, he -"

She looked over at the Weasleys, noting that the majority of the family was there, with the exception of Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Harry. She scanned the rest of the hall, but failed to locate them.

"Harry was here. I heard him."

"For a moment," Kingsley said. "But then we lost track of him, and we have been unable to locate him."

"Find him. Double the searches," she barked at a few people standing around. "He would not have turned himself in. And we would know if they had captured him. Find him." She fixed a steely gaze on those standing more to attention now. "Now!"

The time that passed was increasingly worrisome as they failed to find Harry anywhere. It was only as Minerva saw Ron and Hermione running down the stairs from the second floor that a booming voice disturbed their search and chilled her heart.

She realised how stupid she had been.

"He gave himself up," she whispered, looking at Kingsley, who had obviously taken it upon himself to be her second.

"What?"

"Harry."

"They have him?" Kingsley asked, nodding to a group of young wizards watching them. "Then we will take him back."

She had no more will to bend. Kingsley did not understand because he did not understand her boys. Her group of orphan boys. She seemed to collect them. They flocked to her, perhaps seeing in her what they saw in themselves. A need to love and be loved. First Sirius, then Remus, Severus and Harry. Even Albus. The thought was horrific and she could feel it filling her lungs like she was drowning in the love she could have given and received had she been a little less set in her ways. A little freer with her emotion.

How stupid she had been.

Voldemort's voice finished gloating and there was a ringing in her ears where the voice had been. She nodded once to Kingsley but didn't order anything, letting him take over as she joined the silent procession into the courtyard.

They stood waiting, knowing what was coming. She saw Percy side by side with his father and a single tear escaped at the thought. Thank Merlin they had come to their senses. This world was far too cruel to let it stand.

"Harry Potter," the madman who was another orphan, though not one that had ever wanted love, "is dead."

Someone screamed and she felt all of the determination that was the only thing keeping her upright leave her and she fell to her knees. She realised it was her voice echoing around the grounds and it seemed to ripple through the defenders. They turned, away from the horror of what they were seeing, and looked at her. She had tried so hard, and for so long to be strong for them all. But now all hope was lost and she had no more strength left to give.

She ignored the stares and looked up as Voldemort snarled gleefully as Longbottom, darling Neville, stepped up and squared his shoulders. She heard him defying their new master and she heard him standing up for everyone that had died. All her Gryffindors, all of her Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws and even her Slytherins. He stood there, facing the enemy and he did not sway.

Voldemort laughed, waving his wand and showering them all in broken glass as he Summoned something from the castle and into his hand.

"There will be no more Sorting at Hogwarts School,' said Voldemort. 'There will be no more houses. The emblem, shield and colours of my noble ancestor, Salazar Slytherin, will suffice for everyone, won't they, Neville Longbottom?"

She watched as he Petrified Neville and slapped the Sorting Hat on his head. It was as if all of them had suddenly decided that they could unite behind THIS orphan. All these beautiful boys who had no path except violence and bravery. Minerva stood, slapping away Kingsley's hand as she stepped forward, raising her wand. The rest did the same and their action was matched by the Death Eaters across the courtyard.

It didn't matter how many hours or days later Minerva replayed that scene, she still was not sure what had happened. All that she knew was that everything was still; the calm before the storm. Before all hell had broken loose. She remembered Hagrid's Giant brother, and the Centaur's hooves thundering through her as if they were right by her side. She remembered the renewed fighting and the tremendous energy they all seemed to have. Left and right Death Eaters were lain waste. And yet none of her own people. Not one. Even down to the smallest. All were fighting fiercely, better than the enemy and it was showing.

She had not seen Harry since he had disappeared from Hagrid's arms but she would not let him be taken. She would not let him take this role on, no matter what he thought of himself.

She stood again, fighting Voldemort at Kingsley's shoulder, and beside Horace. They were testing him, she could feel it in his returns. They were faltered, hesitant. For a moment everything went still as Molly brandished her wand with magic Minerva had always known was inside her. Bellatrix fell and she felt another squeeze of pain. She had been so bright, so beautiful, so strong. And so tortured from the minute she was born.

She was blown backwards in Voldemort's wake, his anger now bubbling in the air, crackling around them. The air had left her lungs as she'd slammed into the wall along with Horace and Kingsley. But as she blinked trying to clear the swirling pain in her head, she saw him, standing where she had stood. Her Harry. He was there, in front of her, his arm steady as he stood before Voldemort. How proud she felt of him in that moment. How proud and altogether angry at him for being so sacrificial. The only one she could protect. The only one that needed her now. And there he stood, looking in Voldemort's eyes for something she could not see. She would not let him take this on alone. She went to step forward, but a hand around her waist stopped her. She looked back at Kingsley, who held fast, nodding to Harry, who was standing silently before the so called Dark Lord.

"Finish it," Harry said quietly.

And then it was.


	7. Chapter 7

The battle had been over for a considerable amount of time before she could think in the quiet of her own head again. She had spent so much time hugging people; more time than she'd ever spent in her entire life. She had got to Harry first, wrapping him in her arms and hanging on to him, until he did the same.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"No, my darling boy," she had leaned back, tears running down her face and a smile so big her cheeks still hurt. "Thank you."

He had gone to talk with Weasley and Granger, leaving her to take stock of those they had lost on their side or otherwise. It was only after everyone had fallen asleep, some even where they sat, that she had time to herself.

The walk down the lawns was so different to the last time she had the opportunity to do so. The castle grounds were scarred and filled with despair. Bloodstains littered the grass, what was left of it, where she walked. She headed towards the large, white pedestal and stood staring beyond it, gauging her strength before she could bring herself to look down at him.

"You stupid old fool," she spat, surprising herself. "Why could you not have told me? You could have trusted me. I thought," she could feel her control slipping away with each word that seemed to tumble out of her mouth. "I thought you," she shook her head. She could not finish that thought, could not contemplate a world where Albus had not trusted her enough to tell her. "What if Severus had been killed before he had the chance to tell Harry? What then Albus?" She screamed the last part and fell to her knees.

"It was chance," she hiccupped. "Mere chance that Harry turned up at the Shrieking Shack in time to see Voldemort kill," she sobbed out his name, "Severus. What would you have done then, Albus? What then? When you placed the entire fate of the world in one boy, Albus!" She cried and cried and cried, slamming her fists on the stone tomb. "You stupid old fool."

She didn't know how long she stayed there crying against the cold marble, letting it seep into her bones to match the pain in her heart from Albus' betrayal.

"He was so broken, Albus. You treated him so badly. And yet," she shook her head as her thoughts came back to normal. "And yet he loved you," she scoffed. "Like we all did."

She looked over the ruined grounds.

"Like I did."


	8. Chapter 8

"Has he awoken yet?" she asked as she got in from another tedious meeting. She had taken the Headmistress' job as apparently Albus had intended. She had nearly turned it down when they had told her that, but her common sense had prevailed, thinking of all the good she could do in the position. Apparently Albus had woken briefly to talk to Harry straight after the battle, but now he slumbered on, no matter how many obscenities Minerva wanted to scream at him.

"He has not," Severus said quietly. He looked at her appraisingly for a moment before continuing. "I know you hurt, I tried to tell you."

"Don't," she warned.

"I just don't think you should be walking around with a bee in your bonnet because you were the one that was so dense!"

"DENSE?!" she screamed, throwing an ink bottle at Severus' portrait and only missing by a hair. "You ass. You were Voldemort's pet! You inviting me to tea is akin to me inviting Bellatrix!"

"Rubbish, woman."

"Do not give me that tosh, Severus, your friends -"

"They were no friends of mine," he growled.

"They tortured me. And you stood by and did nothing," she waved off his protests. "I was certainly not going to take tea with you afterwards."

"I -"

"It was out of your hands." All the ire fell from her like a breeze fell from the air. "I know. However, it doesn't make it any better, nor does it make it hurt less."

"I can only apologise, Minerva," Severus said genuinely.

"You have done," Minerva waved, dropping into her chair with a groan. "Many times. Do not do so again."

A chuckle disturbed them and they looked over at Albus' stirring portrait.

"You two must never change. Thank goodness you were never students together. I can only imagine the reversal magic I would have had to dole out."

"You had better not be laughing, Albus Dumbledore!" Minerva growled, stalking towards the portrait and poking it with a long finger. "Do not think you can just wake up out of the blue after the biggest battle of our lives and laugh your way back into my good books."

"I assumed," he looked a little worried as he glanced at the spot where she had touched the canvas, "as you had made up with Severus -"

"Rot," Minerva spat. "I may never forgive you."

"But like Severus said, he tried to -"

"Sod off, Albus," she scoffed, turning her back. "If that was your great plan, then you don't deserve the title you never wanted - The Greatest Wizard of Our Age - ha!" She looked at him again, staring into him, though she knew it was not all of him there. "If you did not see that I would never trust Severus, considering the treatment we all faced at his hands, then you are a bigger fool than I thought."

"Minerva -"

"I," she looked at him with tears in her eyes. "You have hurt me beyond what I thought was possible. And Merlin, I love you for it. If I had understood everything that was at play, I would not have survived. I know that and I detest that you put me through that. I love you Albus, but I hate what you did to all of us. We were not pawns."

"No," he said, leaning forward in his chair. "You were never a pawn, Minerva," he said quietly. "You were my Queen."

A tear dropped onto her cheek and she stared at him.

"In another life, Albus Dumbledore."

He smiled and nodded.


	9. Chapter 9

The door was worn, and she stood looking at the ordinary knocker for a little while before gathering the courage to use it. She took two steps back as she waited for entry, smiling as she heard voices from within. The door opened and she was faced with a dilemma she did not know how to answer. It had been so many years since she had seen Andromeda Black that she stumbled over her words for a moment.

"I apologise," she corrected herself in her head, "Andromeda, but I found myself quite without purpose after a Ministry meeting and I -"

"Come in, Professor," Andromeda smiled kindly. "You are always welcome here."

Minerva allowed herself to be led down the hallway, depositing her cloak and hat at the door. The house was warm and cosy. A loving home. It oozed happiness from every inch.

"Tea, Professor?"

"Thank you," Minerva smiled. "And please, it's Minerva."

"Okay," Andromeda said. "And I meant what I said, you are welcome any time." She pointed Minerva into a room off the kitchen and she paused, looking around before she stepped in.

"Gracious, he has grown so much since I last saw him."

"Like a weed," Andromeda chuckled from behind her, carrying a tea tray. "He has his mother's propensity for mischief."

Minerva looked down at Teddy Lupin, who was rocking on his back, holding his feet with a big toothless grin on his face.

"And his father's eyes."


End file.
